Re-Calibrating

One of my goals this summer was to spend some serious energy and time getting rest and recalibration. I spent the last 3 weeks in that endeavor and feel I made some headway with the help of others.

I became very aware again how dependant I am on outside resources to recalibrate me. Trying to recalibrate with myself as my only guide is nonsense.

Thanks so much to Garry, Dave, Dave, Clarisse, my parents, my brothers and sisters in law, Jeff, Colleen and the folks who spoke at the Leadership Summit. I needed it all and soaked it in and I am thankful. I am happy to need brothers and sisters like you.

May God be glorified in us.

Loneliness

Most people are terribly lonely. Even those who seem to have lots of friends.

Here are a few ideas to help:

1. Find friendship and fullness in Jesus. Then when you approach other friendships you will not be "needy".

2. Learn the art of self-disclosure. Many of us are imprisoned in loneliness because we won't let ourselves out to be seen, known, loved, cared for etc. We are afraid of revealing ourselves or we just don't know how.

3. Appreciate the relationships you have. Each friendship is at different levels at different times. Rather than longing for more, be thankful for what you have.

4. Be nice.

I know the last one might seem condescending or trite. But I genuinely work on this myself. It really does make a difference!

Open, Honest, Without Fear of Negative Reprecussions

Friendships that bring life to our souls are open, honest, and without fear of negative repercussions.

6 Characteristics of Great Friendships:

1. Free sharing of ourselves with each other. (To know and be known)
2. Celebrating together. (Watch a great hockey game together and celebrate when your team wins.)
3. Grieving and sharing struggles together.
4. Learning and/or growing together.
5. Genuinely caring about the other's welfare (To love and be loved)
6. Shared values. (Common bridges to build the relationships upon)

Not every friendship has all of these traits in equal measure. Some friendships only contain one or two of them. The friendships that have them all in abundance are rare indeed!

Growing Relationally

Oh man. This is something that matters WAY more than we give it credit. We can get better at relating to people by working at it. Why wouldn't we work at it? We can become better spouses, parents, friends, co-workers, neighbours, even better at interactions with strangers. Relational intelligence is one of the most missing ingredients in society today. Parents used to teach this to their children by modelling and by daily training. Sadly, today most parents don't have the relational skills to teach their kids or to model it. We have raised a generation on relationally broken people and our broken relationships are evidence of it. May I plead with you? Work on this! How?
1. Take the relational words of scripture seriously (ie. Phil. 2; Rom. 12; Proverbs 1-31; etc.). They are not just spiritual truths, they are practical advice that really works if you do it.

2. Notice those who are great relationally; observe how they behave; learn from them. Practice doing what they do.

3. Set goals for yourself; work consciously at it. Most of our relational habits are subconscious. In order to change them, we have to become intentional; we have to work at it. Any new behaviour feels awkward and takes lots of energy at first. The more we do it, the more it becomes natural.

4. If you’re really ambitious, read great material on it. "Everyone is Normal Until You Get to Know Them" by John Ortberg. There are several great John Maxwell titles on this subject (Be A People Person; Becoming a Person of Influence; 25 Ways to Win With People and more).

5. Ask for help. There are people in your life that would help you if you solicited it. Most people don't want to push relational advice on us because it seems rude to give it uninvited. We need each other. Ask for help.