Tuesday, February 15, 2011


This last Sunday we had one of the most fun and creative services we have ever had. We invited several couples to be on a panel answering our marriage questions. Throughout the week you facebooked, blogged, and e-mailed over 40 questons. We were only able to answer abound 12 questions so I thought the conversation could continue via blog.

So for the next few days, we will be listing some of the questions and I will comment on some of my thoughts on them. I would also welcome your advice, so feel free to post back.

Question # 1: My thoughts are usually negative first. I have tried to overcome but I keep falling into the same rut. I would like to overcome this and I do direct this attitude towards my wife. How can I get positive and remove negativity?

Answer: First, you are not alone in this. Many people have a tendency towards negativity. Other people have faced this too and many of them have found ways out.
Second: You are right that it is incredibly destructive for your marriage. Negtivity is a poison and it brings us down. It is important for you to own this as your problem and something that needs be be fixed if the marriage is going to get better.
Third: I would start by taking some very simple and easy steps towards specifically being positive towards her. Such as: Always say something good about her every time to meet her (come home, leave, etc.). Write her a card where you list the things you appreciate about her (and give it with some flowers). If you have kids, ask them what they appreciate about her. These activities get the right chemicals moving in your brain.
Last: I would work specifically on yourself and negativity. Get help. A book, a counsellor, a trusted friend, an article.  

All that being said, there have been some very negative people who have navigated very good marriages. Albeit, it was hard, they persevered and over compensated in some other areas but they made it work. So don't give up hope. Fight like crazy for it and when it seems like you are losing some days, remember that God is big enough.