Wednesday, February 23, 2011

How do you keep God in the centre of your relationship?

This is a tough one becuase it looks different for everyone. Any new activity feels awkward at first. You have to be willing to push through the askwardness of this area.

1. Leadership. One person is usually the leader in this. If they become resentful that they have to lead they will pull back. I would encourage whoever is the leader in this (who usually initiates spiritual stuff in the marriage) CHOOSE not to be resentful that you are the leader in this area and just do it. If you tend not to be the initiator (leader) in this area of the marriage, you need to appreciate that the other person is leading and be a willing and helpful participant. (It makes it very tough and difficult for the other person if you are grumbling and complaining your way through it when they are trying to do something that is a blessing for you.) I reject the idea that this always has to be the man. It is great though, if you both are willing to step up and provide some leadership in this.

2. Training not trying. Basically you need a mentality that says you will develop a God-centered marriage over the course of years not overnight. What daily activities can you engage in that will help? Take baby steps. Do it daily, not all in a day. Try to customize your plan for you.

3. Some ideas. Attend conferences together. Read the Bible together (just one chapter). Read a short devotional together (Our Daily Bread). Each say a prayer in the car, before you leave in the morning, in bed at night or on you way places. One of the things that works well for us is that we pray when we are going places together. Say we are heading to a friends house for lunch....we each say a prayer on the way. Listen for more ideas, there are tons of great ideas, the options are in the millions.

4. Get around others who are God-centered. Be involved in your church. Talk about the sermon together afterwards.

5. Give each other some grace. Realize you are not both going to be in the mood all the time. Just like sex. Sometimes you do it even when your not in the mood and sometimes you are nice enough to let it go when the other person is not in the mood. Remember that sometimes when you do it even though you don't feel like it, you are glad you did after it all and you realize you did feel like it, you just needed to press through.

6. Be really really really determined to build this over the long haul. Determination and perseverance are key!