Don't Stir...Just Cover

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins." Proverbs 10:12

There are always lots of things that can cause strife. If you are looking for them, you can be irritated by a ton of stuff. Actually, you can have a fight, complain, find trouble just about anywhere, anytime.

There are always wonderful things to enjoy and give ones attention to. Always opportunities to love and bring life into whatever situation we find ourselves in.

One of the key skills to being able to be a blessing in any given situation is the ability to "cover" or "overlook" the negatives and the things that are wrong or irritating.

Obviously there is a time to address issues that need to be addressed and sometimes this causes conflict that is necessary. BUT...most of the time, the challenge is not to find the wrong in a situation. The challenge is to overlook (dare I suggest as the BIBLE does that we even "cover" it?) the wrong in order to see the great things that are available and there as well.

One of the key skills that I have been working on is the skill of "reframing." That is, in any given situation that I find myself having a negative attitude or focus on the frustrations or feeling of animosity and argumentative strife...here is what I attempt to do (not always successfully). I try to "reframe" the situation in my mind and heart.

I ask myself, "how else can I look at this situation?"
"How does God view this?"
"How would a wise person I know view it? (sometimes thinking of different people depending on the situation.)
"What views could I take that would help me be a blessing and life-giving in this situation?"

If we get good a reframing, and do it enough, we can change some of our natural inclinations toward negativity and strife and that would just be awesome!

So, if you are vehemently disagreeing with something in this blog. Try it out. Reframe. What can you overlook? What is good in it?

Enjoy. :)

How To Invest in Your Kids (and in people)

Investing in people is the most important investment we can make in this life. But how? How do we invest in the people God places in our lives. Some of the people I am most concerned about investing in are my children. Here are a few things (with a little help from Josh McDowell) our kids need from us in order for us to make the most of our investment in their lives Though this is geared to a parents investment in their child, you can use this list to invest in anyone.

1. Affirmation. I wrote a whole blog on this here. Affirm their strengths, their good motives, their potential, their experiences, their feelings and thoughts about themselves and the world. Find something you can affirm them about.

2. Acceptance. Does the person know that you love them no matter what happens? Do you communicate that regularly in different ways? This does not mean that we don't challenge the person to change or confront them, but it does mean that we will accept and love them no matter what. When a person knows this, it is a powerful force enabling them to be authentic and open up about their struggles. It is difficult to be truly accepting unless you have come to grips with the grace of God in your life and His forgiveness for your mess.

3. Appreciation. This gives people a sense of significance. Catch them doing something right.

4. Affection. Learn the 5 love languages. Use them appropriately. Love that is not expressed remains powerless and ineffectual.

5. Availability. Offering availability to people is one of the greatest ways that we can invest in them and authentically love them. Sometimes our pride and desire to "look busy" keeps us from offering availability to those we need to. There are definitely people whom you ought NOT to be available (we need boundaries) but there are also others that we need to increase our availability toward some people in order to invest well in them. Kids spell love T-I-M-E.

6. Accountability. If we really love each other we will love each other enough to confront. But not only that, we need to love others enough to remember what a person is working on in their lives and to ask them how it's going. It's amazing how much easier growth happens in our lives when someone holds us accountable.

That's it.
Make the investment.
Serve people.
Love people.
...today! 

It Doesn't Take Very Much

I talked to a super nice guy today, very good at what he does, very professional at his job but also just a super guy. It made my day! Actually, cheered me up and pumped me up a ton. I chatted with another great guy just a minute ago. Same effect.

Now I could also think of several conversations this week that yanked the life out of me. And dozens of conversations that didn't do anything either way.

I guess what strikes me is the potential good or ill that can happen from any encounter or conversation. I know I have been both an energizer and a depressor. My prayer is that God uses me as an energizer to all those who God places in my path.

How can I be a person who is an energizer?
1. Be energized myself. Am I full of life, optimism, hope? I can't always be completely up. I don't want superficial joy. But I do want to be strong enough most of the time to put strength into those I encounter.

2. Be generous. Without exception, the people who energize me are givers. They want to bless, they want to help, they want to serve. The people I have met who are the most successful at any endeavor are those who are out to help others. Not without wisdom, not outside of their gifts, not in a way that drains them so that they can't give anymore. But nonetheless, in their hearts, they want to be a blessing. They are thinking of others first.

3. Get over myself. When I am thinking of myself. My reputation, my pride, my shame, my ...whatever, it is hard for me to really energize anyone else.

4. Have something of value to offer. I am always wondering how I am adding value, in every conversation, even the most mundane ones. What am I bringing to the table, how can I bring more?

5. Relax. Sometimes just worrying and being tense and stressing out keeps me from living in this moment and being a blessing.

6. Lots and lots of other things.

7. The Holy Spirit is ultimately the best energizer. Being full of Him and letting Him flow through us is a good idea.

Holy At Home

Being holy at church means smiling politely at the person who irritates you. It means singing with gusto during the group singing time. It means listening carefully to the speaker even when you are not that interested. But being holy at home...well that's another thing entirely... or is it? Maybe we are trying too hard to bring specific activities under the guise of holiness. Maybe there is more to holiness than superficial smiles and strong-sung songs. I think if we asked Jesus He would tell us that holiness is more a matter of the heart. That is best understood by the simple word "Love". Holiness at home and holiness at church is the same as holiness anywhere. It is acting in a spirit of love.

James 2:8 "If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbour as yourself," you are doing right."

Being holy is hardest at home...unless you remember...being holy is simply being loving.
In that case, how hard it is to be holy at home depends on how hard or easy you find it to behave lovingly toward those in your home.

What to Invest In

My favourite investment of all time. People. Churches need to build people, pour into people, teach people, help people, disciple people, encourage people, correct people, train people, empower people, develop people...you get the picture. This is the best investment a church can make. This is the best investment you can make. Which people are you investing in? Let me make a few suggestions:
1. Invest in yourself. If you haven't invested in yourself, you will have nothing to invest in anyone else.
2. Invest in your family. Everyone else will come and go. Family is worth investing in. Ask anyone with the wisdom of age and they will encourage you to invest here!
3. Invest in a few people instead of the masses. It's amazing how much impact one person can have on someone else's life. Jesus choose to focus His investment in a few people who would in turn invest in others.
4. Invest in everyone. Why not try to add value and be a blessing to every single person you ever have an interaction with? Whether it's the mailman, the Superstore greeter, the co-worker, or the friend...take the attitude that you want to help, serve, give and be a blessing.

Oh my oh my oh my...

Ever wondered why people do what they do? Ever think they are being obstinate, arrogant, rebellious, silly, insecure, unfair, or other things?

It might be good to remember that we are all broken and we all need a lot of work. What do you think God sees when He looks at even the best of us?

He sees something broken, but something beautiful. Something He is willing and wanting to work on, work with and work through.

Welcome to the fellowship of the broken, the accepted, the forgiven and the deeply loved.

Listen and Learn

Keeping an open posture towards others is not only endearing and good for relationships; it is also a great way to keep learning. One of the traits of the elusive characteristic of humility is to listen genuinely as if the other person really does have something to teach us. I have tried to live sincerely believing that everyone I meet has something they can teach me if I will draw it out of them.

“The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” Proverbs 20:5

"I am part of all I have ever met." Walt Disney

Strength and Weakness In Community (or Life in the Spirit)

I have been thinking lately about an aspect of community that blows me away. In true community we learn to recognize our own strengths and weaknesses and the strengths and weaknesses of those around us. (This is part of what I define as the first component of community...”to know and be known”.)
Now here's the cool part... in Jesus' kind of community we overlook others' weaknesses instead of criticizing or being irritated by them. Next, we draw out their strengths (or in other words...we are encouragers); in doing this we don't just tell them their strengths as a kind of fake compliment. Instead we genuinely recognize and become thankful for their strengths, we are glad they are in our community and a part of our lives because of what it is they offer and bring to the table.
Okay, the next step is to recognize my own weaknesses, expose them rather than covering them up (opposite of what we do with others...with others we cover up their weaknesses but with ourselves we expose our weaknesses), and invite my community and God to love me in spite of them and help me overcome them so that they do the least amount of damage possible. Finally, I develop my strengths and joyfully use them to serve as a part of my community.
Now here is one more thought that has been amazing me lately. My strengths and my weaknesses are usually related. They are cousins...they are kind of revealers of one another. Or another way to say it is that, for every strength there is an equal and opposite weakness and for every weakness there is an equal and opposite strength. The people in our community that are annoyingly loud, are also the greatest gifts to us in their bold and aggressive proclamations. The people in our community that wrongly avoid conflict also positively help us keep the peace. The people who tend to be controlling and power hungry can also sometimes be those used by God to passionately call us and rally us around a cause and they step up to lead when others won't.
So when I find myself irritated by a person's overly bold aggressiveness (their weakness) I can choose to appreciate their ability to step out in faith (the strength that goes with their weakness).
Imagine a team where all our weaknesses were diminished and our strengths drawn out and then combined together. (That's why hockey teams have defence and offence. The idea is that the offence players are better at offence and taking risks and stepping up on the rush, but they are worse at defence. So they play a position that magnifies their strength and minimizes their weakness. If a fellow player ever gets mad at them for their lack of defence he/she needs to remember their great offence, be thankful and help cover for their lack of defence.)

I think this in large part is what it means to live in the power of the Holy Spirit. Check out these verses from Galatians in "The Message"

Gal. 5:25-26 Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.

Gal. 6:1-10 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.
4-5 Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

6 Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.

7-8 Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.

9-10 So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.

Grace and Truth

A friend recently sent me a link to an outspoken and aggressive commentator on the subject of Muslims in Europe. I listened to a few minutes of it. It seemed to me to be mostly correct in its content, but absolutely terrible in other respects. Let me explain.

There are those concerned with truth. Facts and ideas are their weapons. In this respect I usually agree with the more conservative/fundamentalist folks, though I am far less sure about the facts than these folks often are. But what bothers me is not the content, but the "spirit" in which they communicate their truth. Often the attitude that is portrayed is one of arrogance, self-assurance, disdain, and hostility. Folks on the other side often seem so sweet and nice and winsome, but wrong when it comes to the truth.

Wouldn't it be nice if, for once, we could have both love and truth? It seems to me that these fundamentalists (whom I tend to agree with ideologically) are really only speaking to their own kind. If they ever wanted to convince someone who had different views, I would think more winsomeness would be necessary.

Maybe this explains why atheists, homosexuals and people of other religions sometimes feel hated by Christians. Maybe we could continue to be just as concerned about the truth but add to it some love and grace. This is not about watering down the truth. It is about presenting the truth in love.

Love

You can serve people without loving them, but you cannot love people without serving them.

Bringing Out The Best In People

All of us can look back in our lives and think of people who brought out the best in us. They encouraged us when others gave up on us. They saw our potential and called it out of us. Then there are those who seem to bring out the worst in us. What do you do for the people in your life? Do you bring out the best in others or the worst?

Dale Galloway tells the story of a young boy named Teddy Stollard. He was not the kind of kid who got invited to parties. He slouched in his chair and looked bored most of the time; he only spoke when called upon, and then in monosyllables. He never dressed right; he had smelly clothes; he was a rather unattractive boy.

Whenever his teacher would mark Teddy's papers, she got a certain perverse pleasure out of marking all the wrong answers. She would put the "F" on top with a little flair. She might have known better, because his history was on record:

First grade: Teddy is a good boy and shows promise, but has a poor home situation.

Second grade: Teddy is quiet and withdrawn. His mother is terminally ill.

Third grade: Teddy is falling behind. His mother died this year; his father is uninvolved.

Fourth grade: Teddy is hopelessly backward. His father has moved away; Teddy's living with an aunt. He is deeply troubled.

Christmas came, and all the children brought presents to school. They were carefully wrapped, except for Teddy's, which was packaged in brown paper and held together with tape and marked, "For Miss Thompson. From Teddy."

The teacher would open the gifts one by one for the class to admire. When she opened Teddy's, it was a rhinestone bracelet with most of the stones missing, and a bottle of perfume that was mostly gone. The other children started to laugh, but Miss Thompson caught herself. Snapping on the bracelet, she said: "Isn't it lovely, class? And doesn't the perfume smell good?"

At the end of the class, Teddy approached her shyly. "I'm glad you liked my gifts, Miss Thompson," he whispered. "All day long you smelled like my mother. And her bracelet looked nice on you, too."

After he left, Miss Thompson put her head down on the desk and cried. She asked God to forgive her. She prayed that God would help her to see what he sees when she looks at a motherless boy.

When the children came back to school the next day, Miss Thompson was a new teacher. She tutored the children who needed extra help, Teddy most of all. By the end of the year, he had caught up with most of his classmates and was ahead of some. After that, she didn't hear from him for quite a while. Then one day she received a note:

Dear Miss Thompson,
 I wanted you to be the first to know I am graduating from high school, and I am second in my class.
Love, Teddy Stollard

Four years later came another note:

Dear Miss Thompson,
I wanted you to be the first to know I am graduating first in my class. The university has not been easy, but I liked it.
Love, Teddy Stollard

Four years later, another note:

Dear Miss Thompson,
I wanted to you be the first to know that as of today I am Theodore J. Stollard, M.D. How about that? I want you to come sit where my mother would have sat, because you're the nearest thing to family that I've had.
Love, Teddy Stollard


1 Cor. 13:3-8
So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first," doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.

Loving Brings More Joy

The strange thing is that when we live selfishly, we slowly stop believing that living unselfishly would bring us more joy.

All it takes is one time to wrench the selfish behaviour away from ourselves and choose to be loving; then we experience the joy of being selfless. But it is amazing how quickly we are tempted to believe the lie again. A joyful life is a life choosing to resist the lie and believe the truth about love.

Truth In Love

We need truth. We do not need watered down truth, half-truth, or partial truth. We need the real thing. But we also need it presented in love. Truth presented without love can be a weapon of destruction instead of a tool to set us free. Love does not necessarily mean softness. Kindness and softness are not always the same things. Sometimes, the kindest thing I can do is be tough on someone. But it still must be done in love and for love.

Survival, success or significance?

Survival, success or significance? This is a question I ask myself regularly to test my heart and motives.

When life gets busy, crazy, overwhelming, difficult and painful, it is easy for me to slip into survival mode. But I was not made to survive. In fact, God encourages us not to spend time and energy worrying about our own survival. "I take care of the birds, won't I take care of you?...What good will all your worrying do?" (Matt. 6)

When I don't keep a close check on my heart, it can also slip easily over into success mode. Trying to get better and bigger for myself is the unashamed motive of this world. Power, pleasure, possessions, prestige and popularity are the motives of most of the activity in our country.

Jesus invited us to a radically different way. He declared that it was better to give than to receive (and He actually meant it!). He invited us to live to give and to serve. Those who have attempted this way of life have shared the incredible joy and amazing provisions that come with it.

How would my life look different today, or even in the next 15 minutes, if I was to live for significance (to make a difference for others) instead of living to survive or to succeed (a primarily self-centered existence)?

Fundamentally, survival and success are about me and about giving. Significance is about others and about giving.

Treating Everyone Like An Angel

John Ortberg tells a story of a poor traveler who stopped at a monastery one night and was amazed at the welcome he received there. They served him a lavish meal, escorted him to their finest room, and gave him a new set of clothes to replace the rags he was in. Before leaving, he commented on the amazing treatment he received. "Yes," they said, "we always treat our guests as if they are angels - just to be on the safe side."

I have often contemplated the fact that I have never come in contact with another person for whom Christ did not die.

This means every human being ought to be treated with dignity, lavish love and attention. I have had the opportunity to work with extremely poor and extremely wealthy people. In either case, they simply wanted to be treated like people regardless of their status.

If there is anywhere that these boundaries ought to be broken down, it is in the church, where there is "neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Love Anyway

One of the great principles of life is to live as a servant of all. It is the way of life Jesus taught His disciples. It is a road less travelled. It is the only way to true joy.

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
- Attributed to Mother Teresa

Love anything, and...

Imagine someone told you that since they ate a lousy meal when they expected it to be great, they have decided never to eat again. "The last time I ate, it was terrible; I will not risk that happening again. No way, I am smarter now."

All of us have been hurt by people. Our temptation is to respond to our hurts by closing off our lives from others. We don't want to allow ourselves to be vulnerable again to the same pain. What we forget is that the risk and pain of non-community is even more serious than the risk and pain of community.

“Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.”
-C.S. Lewis

A lot of us have had a bad experience at church, with a friend, or in a small group, and now we avoid those things altogether. Why not give it another go? Go ahead and eat again, even if you have had a rotten meal once in awhile. You'll be glad you did.

Small Changes in the Wrong Direction

“The safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.” C. S. Lewis


Most really stupid things happen in very small increments. Doing something a little bit worse than what I am already doing doesn’t seem so bad. Be careful of small changes in the wrong direction. They are far more sinister than they seem. Where do you think you may be slowly slipping in the wrong direction? The sooner you wake up, acknowledge it and get going the other way, the better.